Hoshigaki Kisame (str8edge_shark) wrote,
Hoshigaki Kisame

Kisame, reporting in (and totally unaware of what is going on)

Well. It's over. I've done it. I've made my decision. After much deliberation and thought, I've finally decided to *deep breath* become vegan.

Yes, it is a big step, I know. I thought long and hard about this. Don't try to dissuade me, Itachi-san, Zetsu, Deidara. In fact, make that *especially* you, Deidara. I remember what happened last time. I know it means I'll have to *cringe* give up on pizza night. I know it means no more eggs at breakfast. No more milk at lunch. No more *sob* fat-free strawberry yoghurt. But it is something I must do. How can I call myself a true environmentalist when I know there are goats out there getting their stomachs ripped out just so I can have my daily dose of calcium (no more Camembert, what am I doing to myself?), when there are harmless chickens being fed inhumane drugs just so my eggs are large, nutritious and full of choline in the morning? And what about the cows? Does no one think about the cows? Cows aren't meant to be cannibals!

And it is with this in mind that I solemnly vow to never touch dairy products or anything else produced by an animal ever again. I know it will make my journey to achieve perfect health more arduous, as soy milk really does taste like shit. But it must be done. How else could I live with myself? I'm doing it for mistreated animals everywhere. I'm taking a stand. Making a statement. Depriving myself of all that is good and tasty in the world. No more carrot cake. No more brownies. No more baked goods at all, as they all require eggs. No more of anything.

Dear God, kill me now and put me out of my mercy, for how can I survive without yoghurt? At least then my body will serve as non-toxic fertilizer and save some fish somewhere a painful death. No... must live on... to save... the whales...
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