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Straight-Edge Will Never Die!

Hoshigaki Kisame
Can somebody (who won't be stoned off their ass, preferably!) give me a ride to the fund-raiser this weekend?

Think of the whales, dammit!


“Straight-edge will never die!”

Kisame will proudly (and loudly!) declare this, whether he has an audience or not. Not only is he completely obsessed with his own lack of inebriation; he’ll try to convert other students to the same way of life. Even Tenten, whom he should give up for a lost cause—but Kisame believes that she’ll eventually see the light and go straight-edge, with his help.

The overly enthusiastic senior has always been this way—hasn’t touched a drop of alcohol in all his years at Konoha, nor smoked a joint—an impressive feat, considering all the time he spends with Itachi. He’s even reluctant to drink soda and caffeinated tea, so where he gets his constant buzz is beyond everybody. Somehow, he is always cheerful and energetic, dashing around school, most likely running errands for Itachi. With all that energy, he breezes through schoolwork, sometimes treating tests like races and hurrying to be the first student finished. In his haste he often makes mistakes that keep his grades from being perfect, and is only salutatorian.

The only other thing in Kisame’s life as important as getting Itachi to go a day without getting stoned is saving the whales. Kisame is big on environmental issues, especially those involving marine life. If you’re eating tuna, expect to be hassled—it’s horrible that you’re eating it, but it had better be dolphin safe! (Despite his pointy teeth, Kisame’s vegetarian.)

If you can give Kisame a ride to the fund-raisers he goes to all the time, you’ve earned his gratitude, which can be worth a good deal—if you can put up with his attempts to convert you to the straight-edge way of life and/or obtain a cash donation for the whales. Still, the debt of somebody so close to Itachi could be useful.

-- Excerpt from Who's Who at Konoha High School


IC livejournal for hs_no_jutsu. All fictional.

I am borrowing Elvis's image to portray Kisame.